Friggin' Anxiety.....it's driving me to...well...more anxiety....
Vicious cycle...
I will NOT let it get the better of me.
It's my daughters 2nd bday party this weekend. Stressed much? Oh yeah!
I'm now officially in the TWW....but I don't dare get my hopes up again. No way, last months devastation was, well, devastation.....
In the same breath I'm praying it is my turn. One last shot before the FS. Gulp.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Fertility....
Something I haven't spoken about on here before....
Simply because its too painful.
We have been TTC our second bubba since Sept. 09, we were lucky enough to fall pregnant on the 2nd cycle....but it ended up been an ectopic pregnancy and I lost the bubba and my left tube. Luckily they managed to save my ovary.....Lucky seems like such the wrong word. There was nothing lucky about the situation....
Anyway....I had surgery on NYE and started the New Year in tears but determined to create life.
It's not working.
So I have been referred to a Fertility Specialist. Which is totally overwhelming and daunting....
I see the FS in July...so I have one more shot of trying to get pregnant by ourselves.
I have no idea what to expect at our first visit. I suspect the FS will take lots of blood and order tests. I am keen to see if my remaining tube is clear so perhaps he will schedule surgery to check everything is in 'working order'.
I suppose DH will have to give a 'sample' too.......poor fella. Think of the pressure.
I've decided to start talking about this because I need to vent and secondly no one else is willing to talk about it.....making me feel like I'm in the minority and like there is something wrong with me...which there probably is.
So yeah....another specialist to add to the list.
What I wouldn't give for my health.............
Simply because its too painful.
We have been TTC our second bubba since Sept. 09, we were lucky enough to fall pregnant on the 2nd cycle....but it ended up been an ectopic pregnancy and I lost the bubba and my left tube. Luckily they managed to save my ovary.....Lucky seems like such the wrong word. There was nothing lucky about the situation....
Anyway....I had surgery on NYE and started the New Year in tears but determined to create life.
It's not working.
So I have been referred to a Fertility Specialist. Which is totally overwhelming and daunting....
I see the FS in July...so I have one more shot of trying to get pregnant by ourselves.
I have no idea what to expect at our first visit. I suspect the FS will take lots of blood and order tests. I am keen to see if my remaining tube is clear so perhaps he will schedule surgery to check everything is in 'working order'.
I suppose DH will have to give a 'sample' too.......poor fella. Think of the pressure.
I've decided to start talking about this because I need to vent and secondly no one else is willing to talk about it.....making me feel like I'm in the minority and like there is something wrong with me...which there probably is.
So yeah....another specialist to add to the list.
What I wouldn't give for my health.............
Returning home....
Back again.
Means I'm struggling again. Lonely. Isolated.
Been disassociating constantly; at work, driving the car, cooking dinner, hanging the clothes out....bam....disconnected. It's annoying to say the least. It's also disheartening.
I'm experiencing some of the schizo affective 'side-effects' (if you will) lately. Especially the loss of motivation and apathy. It's shocking. I try so hard to keep it together but honestly? I can't be stuffed.......I have no motivation and that's affecting my work stamina.
And the apathy....oh god how I want to feel again. I smile and laugh and fake it all the way but really...truly...I feel nothing.
I was sick for 3 weeks straight a couple of weeks back and it totally threw out my blood sugar levels. I have been having hypos nearly every day and its totally.totally.TOTALLY freaking me out!!
My psychiatrist says people with schizophrenia and psychotic disorder are significantly more at risk of developing diabetes.
Bingo.....there I go again. Meeting the stereotype for insanity.
I try so hard to be normal. And I do a damm good job. But it's so tiring. I'm so tired. I'm so tired of the tiredness....
Means I'm struggling again. Lonely. Isolated.
Been disassociating constantly; at work, driving the car, cooking dinner, hanging the clothes out....bam....disconnected. It's annoying to say the least. It's also disheartening.
I'm experiencing some of the schizo affective 'side-effects' (if you will) lately. Especially the loss of motivation and apathy. It's shocking. I try so hard to keep it together but honestly? I can't be stuffed.......I have no motivation and that's affecting my work stamina.
And the apathy....oh god how I want to feel again. I smile and laugh and fake it all the way but really...truly...I feel nothing.
I was sick for 3 weeks straight a couple of weeks back and it totally threw out my blood sugar levels. I have been having hypos nearly every day and its totally.totally.TOTALLY freaking me out!!
My psychiatrist says people with schizophrenia and psychotic disorder are significantly more at risk of developing diabetes.
Bingo.....there I go again. Meeting the stereotype for insanity.
I try so hard to be normal. And I do a damm good job. But it's so tiring. I'm so tired. I'm so tired of the tiredness....
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
