Punishment

I feel the need to punish myself. Why? I'm not sure...Maybe because I can feel myself become sick again and I'm terrified...

I use to cope with my illness by cutting/burning...it was a coping mechanism that took YEARS to replace with healthy behaviours.

But now the urge is back....it pre-occupies my mind.

I don't want to cut/burn. I don't want to disrespect myself so much like that.

I am angry at myself for indulging in emotional eating. So angry. I know at weigh in tomorrow I will have had a gain and I am angry at myself for undoing all my good work previously. Thus, I feel the need to punish myself. I have not eaten dinner tonight to try and compensate but it does not seem adequate punishment. Voices are telling me to start starving myself as punishment and its oh so appealing. I could do that. I have done that before. It's not cutting or burning is it????