So I saw my psychiatrist today....it's always such an immense relief to talk to someone about how I am feeling...he is safe and it's the only real life place I can open my mouth and talk...
To cut a long story short he said that the meds can't control my thoughts and that there is no "bigger picture" that I am being sold into it. He was really honest and said that the med companies have their priorities but it appears my thinking had become a bit delusional about the meds and the bigger picture. So do I put trust in him and believe him? Hesitantly yes...because I do trust him and I value his opinion and besides he knows wayyyyyyyyy more about this stuff than I ever will right??
It appears my illness took hold and my beliefs went askew causing me to believe I needed to come off my meds....which in turn just made me sicker......
And I thought I was doing sooooo well............
I have to gain some courage tonight...I have to try and swallow those meds and fight my thinking that they are controlling me. I am in great turmoil over this and I feel sick with anxiety at the thought I will take them and become ignorant again.
I feel so utterly and hopelessly depressed and down....to top it off my husband hasn't even asked how my appointment went....he has obviously forgotten which makes me think he just doesn't care if its not important enough for him to ask how I went....
How on earth am I going to swallow all those tablets tonight??
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